Becoming A Better American; Weekend Edition

My One Republican Friend Family

I went shopping on Black Friday. I know, you don't need to comment on my hypocrisy, but faced with the choice between shopping with my dad and sitting around watching TV, I chose hanging out with dad, and he just had to take me to the new Bass Pro Shop. Though after the new Bass Pro Shop, a store that contained neither anything I wanted nor needed, I went to a vintage store with my cousin. There I found a handbook for hipsters, one of the requirements for a hipster is to have one republican friend and refer to that friend as "my one republican friend." This thanksgiving, I'm thankful for Luke, who makes me more of a hipster with his political leanings. Aside from spending time with my dad, I had to earn some back some of the good-girl points I wrecklessly blew through at Thursday's dinner with mom's side.

It was when I asked if we could talk about something other then the dog's poop or the kid's poop that I was mentally banished from the Thanksgiving day festivities. I, however, thought the request was reasonable except for the fact that I had to make it at all. My mother has always said I've had a weak stomach and I was feeling like throwing up all of Thanksgiving when the conversation couldn't get past the dog's poop. From that comment on, I was the black sheep of the dinner table and when we were having dessert my aunt used her pie-tip-wish to wish that I would get knocked-up with twins. After some thought she added that while pregnant with the twins she also hoped I would get pregnant again so I'd have triplets. In my defense I said I loved kids, I just probably wasn't going to have any because I had a hard enough time taking care of myself. Then my grandma piped in with, "of course you'll have kids, but you'd better get started soon." Walking out of Restoration Hardware my cousin and I agreed that if we truly loved a man we would never introduce him to the family. Eliminating both the painful question and answer period, to see if he marriageable and the resulting wedding. I'm pretty sure she agreed with me about the kids too, she was just smart enough not to voice her opinions so loudly.

Up until recently I had never ruled out having children, I figured that in the hazy future I might have some. But it was at the Bass Pro Shop that taught me an important lesson about how I react to irritants. Dad and I were on the second floor, by the shoes, and we were walking past the elevators to the hunting/archery section when a little girl started staring at me. There were crowds of people around me, shoulder to shoulder from the elevators to the bullets, but she chose to twist her little body around and stare at me. And before I could help it, my eyes narrowed and I glared back at her. Only after she started to say something and an arm-jerk from her parent stopped her did I realize that if she had actually said something to me I would have snapped. I don't think it would have come down to violence, but something would have happened. She was little and I blamed the crowds of people swarming around me for my elevated stress level. But still, she was four, and I should probably not have children if I snap so easily when things get rough.

The topic of my future children didn't come up at dinner with my dad's side of the family. That's because everyone had learned their lesson the hard way by having several unruly, selfish, and irritating children that I now had to deal with at the table. Christopher was trying to make conversation with me by saying, "I chipped my tooth last week." I said, "Oh, yeah?" He said, "But I can't remember how. It could have been a chip bag, or soda can I was trying to open with my teeth." Me, "Why?" To which, he answered that he did this when his hands weren't working. I decided not pursue. Later, when dad and I were leaving, to run such important errands as washing my car and putting air in its tires, we saw the hooligans getting ready to shoot their BB guns. Their father (my cousin) was taking out safety glasses, putting the goggles on his children in an attempt at protecting them, hoping his efforts would, in turn, make them better people. Dad laughed and said, "When I was little we shot at each other." I said, "I'm sure you always wore your safety glasses, right?" As we drove off in our silence was an understanding that I would never be able to remember the safety glasses, and I was thankful.

Blog-a-luia

I've found my faith, and I'm going to church this holiday weekend. The Church of Stop Shopping, that is. To celebrate the start of the christmas season I'm counting my blessings, checking them twice, and I'm going to stop shopping and start living. November 25th is International Buy Nothing Day, why not participate? It requires so little of you. Thank you Reverand Billy, bring-on the changelujah.

And yes, I would go anywhere to see a cash register exorcism.

"The Piano Has Been Drinking"

The Office Depot delivery guy looks like Tom Waits. He was also singing a Christmas song when I passed him on the sidewalk this morning.

I was early to work today, meaning I rode in morning traffic as opposed to the no traffic around nine thirty. While stopped at a light a suburban pulled up next to me and the window rolled down. I was getting ready for a heckling from the driver and the resulting fist fight, but instead the woman told me a piece of paper had flown out of my pocket or bag. She added that it was business card sized. It was very nice of her to tell me but now I have to wonder what I lost and when I was just going to forget about it, my debit card went missing. Even though I'm pretty sure my card is probably in the coat I wore yesterday, I had to go back and look. There was nothing that I could see in the four lanes of one-way traffic that resembled either a business card or a debit card. But it got me thinking, no, not about the kindness of strangers, but about how I should have business cards printed up for my imaginary business and those could fall out of my bag for strangers to find.

"Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey"

And my wish kind of came true from Friday night. I got see a fight on Saturday. My friend had picked me up to go over to Grant's Thanksgiving get-together and she was dropping me off when we saw a woman walking through the church parking lot across the street from my apartment. Jen interrupted with, "Is she wearing an evening gown?" The woman was, it was sparkling with sequins, strapless and short. She wasn't wearing a coat or shoes and she would throw her head back and then stumble to her knees. Of course we turned the car off and rolled the window down to see what we could hear. She was sobbing; audible from half a block away. That's when a white car pealed into the parking lot squealing to a stop behind her. There was shouting and she drunkenly sobbed, "Well, if you DON'T have MY ring!" And then she stumbled around the corner of the church and the car squealed after her. I was waiting for the thump of a body being hit by a car, but it never came. And by the time Jen and I decided to walk around the church to see if they were still fighting, they had left. We then, speculated on the preceding events. Where did she come from? And why was she wearing an evening gown? Were punches going to be exchanged when they got home? Where was the ring?

Earlier in the evening, when we had to go around the Thanksgiving table and say what we were thankful for, I said I was thankful for the small, beautiful things in the world. I guess I'd also add that I'm thankful for stars to wish on and when those wishes come true.

B.Sc. in Astronomy

Star light star bright
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
I wish to see a fight tonight.

I didn't see a fight tonight, but I did see a car wreck. Well, I drove by a car wreck, I couldn't get a good look.

On the other hand, this makes me very happy:

You Can Never Leave The Past Behind

This. This is what I get when I google my name with the google book search.

OAA-yaaaaag!

"They'll Find It In The Autopsy"

Another picture of my new haircut and my winter wardrobe, neither of which you can see very well. I just like the picture, Mrs. Castle's still around. It's too cold to get rid of her now. And too cold to go without my scarf in my apartment. I actually did try turning the heater on, but after 30 minutes it still hasn't kicked on so I might be making a phone call to my landlords tomorrow. I also hope the weather warms up.

"I'm A Vampire For Your Love"

"Oh, that's just oil."

"Huh-hmm. I didn't know the cranberry could be squeezed for its oil."

"No. I mean that's just canola oil."

"Right."

I've Lost My Last Shred of Dignity

Tonight I was half of the presenting team and when I took over summarizing the chapters the class should have read, I was on a roll describing exclusionary tactics the town of Bedford, NY uses to keep immigrants from living in their community. I talked a good game about the history of the place, environmentalism, and then I flipped to chapter seven. Historical Character. It didn't look familiar, but I dove into it explaining how the town is using a selective history that only encompasses the white people to justify retaining "character"...then, turning the page I realize that chapter seven had not be assigned to read and we only had the first page of it anyway. Shit.

"Woah. Well, I'm just making stuff up..."

That was my recovery comment. I went ahead and made some stuff up about chapter eight, the chapter on Cultural Identity we were supposed to have read. Sadly, I was doing a better job summarizing the chapter I hadn't read then the chapters I had read.

Yes. Lame story, I know. But nothing exciting or unusual has been going on in my life. For a long time I believed that odd things happened to me, unexplainable happenings that brought me so much happiness and so many good stories, I thought I was a magnet for the unusual. But because maybe I've been whoring my stories out to this *blog* that the unexplainable has stopped occurring. It's been weeks since I've made a fool of myself, had someone else make a fool of themselves to me, or seen general weirdness. Remember how well the interview went? Usually those are disastrous. I, then, tried leaving the state, that always seems to work, but no, I returned to the same hum-drum life I tried to leave behind. It's got me down, and I'm wishing my bat would pay me a visit.

11-11

Thankfully, today was Veteran's Day. I went into work, but all the lights were off and, since I didn't know where the light switch was, the darkness gave me a perfect excuse to not stay. I went to the coffee shop instead and sat outside, trying to read for my class. For every three lines I read I spent 30 minutes watching the cars and people going by. Usually I enjoy doing this, but today I felt terrible. My pants didn't match my shoes and I was wearing the shirts from yesterday. My hair was unwashed, a practice that usually makes it look better, but was making me feel flat-out disgusting. And by 2:30 I was packing up with little accomplished work-wise to go home and take a shower, change my clothes, and hopefully have a private sulking session so that when I meet with my professor this afternoon I won't be an emotional wreck.

And since it's 11-11 today, can I make wishes all day, or are my wishes that are made at 11:11 more powerful?

Anyone want to go to Scottsbluff?

Heroin Chic

I finished Ann Patchett's Truth and Beauty last night. The story is true and is about the friendship between Lucy Grealy and Ann Patchett. The farther I got into the book the more the main character reminded me of myself, needing love and affirmation, needing to know that others thought her work was good, constantly seeking acceptance.

"...I am engaging in the active pursuit of my non-understanding of what I am doing rather than using my lack of understanding as a reason to either avoid or be ashamed of what I am doing." (pg. 205)

I need to be doing more active pursuing and less avoidance and shame in my life.

Child Molesters And Rapists

I got an e mail from my friend Karen this morning. It was a map of my neighborhood locating the houses and workplaces of all the child molesters and rapists near me. A nice way to start the day, a friend showing she cares.

A Weekend In Which I Drive Sixteen Hours

Really, that's about all that can be said of my weekend. I'm adding pictures of my sister as filler, though I do think she is fun and she's beautiful even when she sticks her tongue out at me.

And here is a sign of the Hartman Cattle Co.

Illustration Station

I earned extra credit points in class Monday night for telling the teacher her computer was on mute when everyone else was trying to figure out why the external speakers weren't working. I could see the speaker icon on her desktop. Finally using a Mac has paid off.

I'm Leaving My Pearls At Home

I got a hair cut last night. I'm not sure I like it and I'm not going to post a picture until I get some positive feedback. I think it makes me look matronly, dowdy, and a little like a nineteen sixties housewife. So for the record, I'd like to say I do not feel like or look like a hipster anymore, but a patriotic, matronly housewife (with no house...or husband, come to think of it). I'm trying to change this feeling, I want to get back to my hipster ways. I suppose hair products will have to be applied and my fifteen minute dash from bed to work will have to change. I'm hoping my sister will help with modifying the look. I might even get her to cut my hair a little more in the back, try to make it less poofy.

So sharpen your scissors, I'm leaving for Illinois.