Both Smoke Crack and Sleep Around For It

fall is here. i had to go grocery shopping again this week, i had systematically eaten everything in the house, even though i went shopping on sunday. this was supposed to be a quick run to pick up some rice and maybe some vegetables, but i ended up with ice cream, chips, and chocolate milk. originally, i needed the rice to eat with a packet of bali spice mix i had gotten a month ago. however, i wasn't very hungry for it because while it was cooking i ate the entire pint of ice cream.

i also stopped by the goodwill near my house (inspired by strovska's casual corner pants). they were having a sale on books, ten for a dollar! guess what you're getting for your birthday ceri?! sadly, i ended up with mostly children's books. one is from a series called Future Files, with the book titled, Cities In The Sky: A Beginner's Guide To Living In Space. how can you pass that up? when i have to move to space i certainly want to be ahead of the curve...none of this playing catch-up. as i imagine it's either sink or swim when you're actually out there in space trying to make a go of it. and i'm having a hard enough time here on earth.

Fetishes

things that are not funny:

signing me up for LITTLEpeopleMEET.com...and saying i'm looking for someone 3'7" or shorter.

signing me up for adventistsingles.com...(i know i thought it was funny when i signed ceri up...but this is way different.)

Faking It; Prosthetic-Leg Style

so i'm taking a seminar called "cultural landscapes" which, after writing the first paper on defining the term, can mean anything you want it to mean. i know, this one's going to be way easy. but, easy or not, i'm in the middle of an academic crisis. not only do i reject most commonly held assumptions about my field, i don't even know where i belong and what i want to study. though i'm having a very hard time giving up the notion of being a designer. i feel like a fraud in academics, writing half-assed papers that receive comments like, "well thought out, good solution." i mean, i like the validation, but come on give me something to work with, it was not well thought out.

in class tonight we discussed what a canon of work is. "i mean, we like, looked it up in the dictionary, and like, it said something about saints and the church...and um, does that mean, like, cathedrals?" though, one of the contributers defies his stereotype by being intelligent and making well thought out comments contradictory to his wrestler physique. it was at break that the cleverness kicked in. the wrestler and the conservative, who has a fake leg!, were debating a point and at break they walked out together. as i walked past i heard the conservative say, "okay, what we'll do is go back in there, start a debate, and then i'll jump over the table and attack you." the wrestler said, "and i'll just grab your leg..."

clearly, they're keeping the best stuff left unsaid until break.

Like Living Without Electricity

the finale in my downer-of-a-week week was the disappearing act both wireless networks i tap into pulled. lincsys bit the dust friday morning (and hasn't been back since), with default hanging-in like a trooper till saturday night. leaving me stranded sunday morning with my rambling thoughts (i don't know how many times i thought, "i'll just read the news, i'll look up that tid-bit of information," only to be very disappointed).

the highlight of the past week was having the descriptive noun contest, which ended up accurately describing me and the week i was having. "it was such a semi-colon...i feel there' has to be something better." but no, there was nothing better and every good thing that happened was tainted with one of my idiotic episodes. i thought i was getting used to being an idiot at practically every turn, but it really hit me hard this week. and, as i wrote to ceri, i'm thinking about moving, so when i humiliate myself i don't necessarily run into the witnesses on the sidewalk, in the grocery store, or at the coffee shop.

the witnesses i ran into last week were the bikeshop boys heading to lunch. they were crossing the street and the tall one saw me, waved, and yelled, "your stem!"(the good). that afternoon i stopped by so the new, shorter stem could be put on. but now, i'm pretty sure i'm getting, what can only be described as, The Idiot's Discount at the bikeshop (the bad). while there, and while making conversation with the bikeshop boy he admitted to me that i spent way too much money on the handle bars in relation to the worth of whole bike. i knew this deep down (and am reminded continually by my friend karen) but the conversion makes the bike look so good and ride so well, i couldn't help myself. you would think that the bikeshop would try to make money off of my weaknesses...but they don't. the first time i only had to pay for parts and half the labor, due to the parts mix-up. this time i just paid for the part and no labor because, "nate said since you've spent so much time and money we'll just charge you for the part." most people would celebrate this discount, but i know both workers are thinking i'm an idiot. a girl who doesn't know anything about bikes and is only wanting to look hip. the discount, i suppose, is a blessing and a curse, reflecting back on me the fraud i am.

then my morning job quit me. quit. me. they didn't fire me, there was no discussion about sub-par performance and not contributing to the team. my timecard just stopped showing up. and i did wait two days thinking there might be a mix-up with someone forgetting to put out the new ones. nope. i checked the other workers's. they had theirs. so, score one for the institution, i'm not going back. i picked up an application at the coffeeshop as a back up, but later found out that my other job does have the money to hire me full-time.

i went over to a friend's house for dinner and conversation. the reason was, another friend from architecture school was back in town for a few weeks, from japan, where she teaches english. we had a good time talking and playing with the puppy who likes to bite my toes. but the evening was overshadowed with knowing that i'm growing apart from another close friend who was also there.

two good friends moved out of town this weekend. one to korea and one to california.

furry dragon; look closely at his eyes

Nouns That Describe Me

you guys did a great job of describing me (even if you didn't know me), i couldn't have done the assignment without you. the final list was e mailed earlier today...and the five nouns i chose were: semi-colon, graffiti, gato, muffin, and question.

muffin is derived from strovska's blog, she noted that hipsters love cupcakes. though i wasn't quite up to labeling myself as a cupcake, karen suggested muffin as an alternative. she actually wanted cranberry-nut muffin (because i'm a nut and a tart) but i thought the more general muffin would be appropriate.

I'm Not Joking...This is an Actual Assignment

i am asking you, my reading population, to help me with this assignment for my horticulture class. i have to list five NOUNS that describe me--none of them can describe my current "professional" situation (job or student) or gender. i don't even know where to start with this kind of introspection...so, i'm asking you, dear readers, to tell me what nouns you think of when you think of me.

i hope you will be kind.

Barbies; Part II*

this sunday, the journal star picked up on the barbies that were being left in the coffeeshop's bathroom. it got coverage in the local section as well as on the "lincoln life" blog. though, i wrote about it weeks ago. cindy lange kubick is touted as having her finger on the pulse of lincoln, however, i think the evidence points to me.

sorry cindy, read it and weep.

First Day of Back To School as a 3/4-Time Student

today, i went with the just-got-out-of-bed look. i usually go with this because i get up too late to worry about any of the other looks. but today i actually felt like how i looked, which meant that over lunch i freshened up the out-of-bed-look with a nap (and by nap i really mean i laid in bed and ate candy).

how's that for a returning, undeclared 3/4-time graduate student?

there were worse pictures in this series of self-portraits...

i just got back from my first class of the semester, where i single-handedly alienated everyone in the seminar almost as soon as i sat down. it didn't take more than two seconds either. i was sitting beside the teacher and when she asked which way we should go around the table introducing ourselves i wasn't shy in pointing in the direction away from me, making me the last. i needed the extra time to come up with why i was taking this class, i still don't really know why and after listening to 16 similar versions of why everyone was taking the class, my turn came. i said, "i'm ellen. i'm looking for a justification for architecture." the room was still and silent in only the way a grouping of people can be when you've said something completely kooky.

the silence was followed by the professor laughing and then incorporating my statement into her reasoning behind the class. great, now i'm old, weird, and the teacher's pet. i've become the older-overachieving student that everyone makes fun of. then i kept getting distracted with people walking by in the hall with loud shoes on until the professor asked me to close the door. i guess my head whipping around at every sound was more distracting to her then the noise.

Big Red Welcome

i always end up wearing "husker red" on the days everyone is wearing husker red. whether it is a football game or welcoming students back to school, i'm there inadvertently supporting my alma mater.

tomorrow, classes start.

Getting Coffee Can Be an Adventure, If You Have Social Anxiety Disorders

on my way to get my afternoon coffee a girl stopped me and asked where the YMCA was downtown. i pointed to the street ahead of us, "turn left at that street, go three or four blocks and it will be on the left." the directions seemed simple enough, but then i started second guessing myself and ended up walking with her to the corner and looking down the street just to make sure.

the second guessing isn't unfounded. once i was walking toward downtown on 14th street when a white suburban from iowa pulled up. the driver leaned out and asked me where bryan LGH hospital was. confidently i told him to go over to 13th street and head south, adding that the street would dead-end in the hospital parking lot. they pulled off, following my directions. i walked on and half a block later realized that it's 16th street that dead-ends at the hospital, 13th will eventually lead you to the state pen.

i knew this. and yet, when i processed the directions something got crossed in my mind and out came the wrong thing.

Drama Queen

i didn't find my landlady dead in my apartment which, i guess, is a good sign. that means she did not go a' snoopin' in my bathroom. if she had, she would have surely died from fright. currently, mrs. castle alternates between the tub and the toilet because when i went to oklahoma last weekend, i stashed the larger-then-life human sculpture in my bathroom, rather then keeping it in the back seat of my car. (i know in my neighborhood i run the risk of the car getting stolen without the security of an effing-scary mannequin sitting in the car all night, but i was taking my bike.)

this creature has the ability to scare people who know her whereabouts. i don't know how many times i've checked my rearview mirrors only to have my heart skip a beat while wondering who is sitting behind me wearing yellow, vinyl pants.

a friend's art school project dug out of a dumpster, mrs. castle and i have quite a history that we like to share with others. this means that if you leave your garage door unlocked for a few minutes she's likely to show up, sitting quietly on the old stove. give me your apartment key to water the plants and, come monday morning, she'll be in your shower. back and front porches, passenger seats, backyards have all known the likes of mrs. castle. usually the placement happens at night, or in the evening and i lie awake giggling to myself imagining the fear and terror she will inflict upon her and my victims.

never has this happened. she scares me when i know about her but when i place her, in order scare others, she never does. "ugh. not mrs. castle again." is the most common reaction. no screams. no dropping to the knees and passing out. no vomiting. and no drama.

Summer Reruns

it happened again.

at 5:20 i heard the familiar sound of mini-blinds being run into. then the stealthy swoop of my friend, the bat. this time it landed on the mini-blinds and that's where i had to put the pot over him. sliding the plexiglass under the pot was a little more tricky since the blinds ran interference. but everything was under control in 15 minutes or less.

this is not a call i'm looking forward to making, "uh, hi mary jo. i'm just calling to tell you about the bat that keeps getting into my apartment around 5:30 every morning. oh, and p.s. my freezer isn't working anymore."

how is he getting in? i can't explain it. but he's getting on my nerves.

Animal Control

my collective experience of architecture school and social relationships collided to wake me up this morning at 5:30. it came in the form of the noise my mini-blinds make when disturbed, usually by the wind blowing through them. honestly, i don't know why that would wake me up and i don't know why i even questioned the noise, usually my windows are open and they rattle a lot. but this morning, in the haze of sleepiness i thought, "that's weird, only my kitchen window is open. why did my bedroom window just rattle? why did ...OHMYGODthereisaBATflyingaroundmyroom!"

A BAT. was flying. around my room. while i slept.

i can't tell you the confusion and panic you feel when you realize this. but then it disappeared over by the windows, the bookshelf, and the stacks of papers and i was left in bed deciding how, the hell, to get it out of my apartment (the question of how it got in also crossed my mind). so i got up and went into the kitchen and turned on the light, came back into the living room where the bat swooped around my head. i crawled back to the bathroom for a brief council with myself, or to pull my shit together, however you want to look at it i was freaking out. luckily, my friend sam had had a bat fly into his apartment earlier in the summer, and though his story doesn't explain how the bat got into my house, it did give me a rough outline for how to get the bat out of my house. as i exited the bathroom, i grabbed the largest cooking pot i have and started bat huntin'.

i didn't have to look for too long because the thing started swooping around in figure eights between the living room (where i was now crouching on the floor) and the bedroom. i would wave the cooking pot threateningly when it swooped too low near me while hoping it wouldn't get tangled up in either ceiling fan because what's worse, a live bat in your apartment or a dead mangled bat in your apartment? so, after a spell of figure eights it got tired and landed on a string of lights i have over the bedroom windows. gathering all the courage i could muster at 5:40 in the morning, i walked over and put the pot over the bat. that's when i realized that i had failed to plan for the actual capture. i was left standing with my arms, more or less, at head level and nothing to slide behind the pot. i scaned the floor near my feet. stack of paper, small plastic book, large piece of plexiglass! thanks architecture school! slide plexiglass between window frame and cooking pot and i might get back to bed this morning. of course, then i took pictures. and then i had to take the pot, the plexiglass, the lights, and the bat outside for its release back into the wild.

for effective bat-catching have the following on hand: one story of friend who caught a bat in his apartment, one large cooking pot, one piece of 2'x2' plexiglass, and either enough courage to confront bat or be tired enough to not realize that you have to get within a foot of the bat in your apartment.

i still haven't figured out how a bat got in to my apartment, but i'm going to be all-over that tonight when i get home. 'cause this IS NOT happening again.

bat in pot

bat catchin' essentials

Birthday Wishes

her silvery, grey hair is cut short, her bangs casually wisping across her forehead. expressive features are enhanced with slightly dramatic hand gestures. her light, make-up complimenting her button-down shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows. Loose, knit pants graze the velcro straps of her hiking sandals. she obviously loves teaching and the attention she gets from being at the front of the room.

on the eve of my 26th birthday, i am witnessing myself forty years down the road. will i be this self-confident? will i be as satisfied with myself, as she is?

she is me, and she is annoying me.

Trying for a little more Follow-Through

the trouble with indoor plumbing is that you never know when it will sell-out on you. after using the restroom at work for six months, without incident, i had my day.

to start, i hate using the bathroom when there are other people in it. though, i know it might be socially unacceptable to enter the bathroom just to turn around and leave upon realizing someone else is already in a stall. and i know it's childish to wish for total privacy in the bathroom, it is, however, what i prefer. so today, i enter, the bathroom where there are three stalls with someone occupying the third stall, farthest from the door. i have two choices, use the first stall or the middle stall. etiquette says i should take the first stall, one away from the one that is occupied. i do, except when i go in i am confronted with an unflushed toilet. what now? back out and go to the middle stall? or use the biohazard that is the unflushed toilet? after spending far too long deciding, i went ahead and used the one i was already in...without flushing first.

is it weird to hear the toilet flush and then someone use it immediately following? i'm stuck peeing on someone else's pee and i'm rushing to finish before the other occupant does, to avoid an awkward meeting. needless to say, when i get to the flushing step i realize why it wasn't flushed when i entered. the lever is broken, carelessly rotating in any direction; no resistance, and no results rendered. after cursing the fool who couldn't flush before me, i am now the fool who is unable to flush. my only option is to leave it, closing the stall door behind me, because the embarrassing part is really not that the other occupant can hear the lack of a flush, it's that i've been taking vitamins and my urine is now an electric-gatorade yellow. now i'm really rushing to get out of the bathroom before the other person sees me in my filth. but, because i need the mental assurance of flushing, i feel dirty and i end up washing my hands twice when she comes out of her stall and sees me. do i mention that the first toilet is broken? "honestly, that's why i didn't flush, i'm not a disgusting, lazy slob."

now, fifth floor's bathroom is off limits for being untrustworthy. for the remainder of the day i made the trek to the sixth floor bathroom. the second time, i am met at the door by a woman who gives me the warning of, "one of the johns is going crazy." and it was, flushing itself over and over.

i also got caught looking in the mirror trying to see if my pale stomach was hanging out over the waist of my pants (large indian lunch). of course, my reaction was not to act like i was looking in the mirror, but to jerk violently toward the sink and pretend i was just heading over there to wash my hands and HAD NOT been looking at myself in the full-length mirror.

for now, i think i'll just go home when i need to use the bathroom. it's safe, it's private, and my toilet has gained my trust.

"...have you eaten there?"*

*see ceri's comment on the last post. and i guess there is an ohio: part II.

E mailing

You: Standing on the corner of 9th and P.
Me: Brown Honda, honking.

eH

with out of state plates.
you kept driving.
my heart broke.

jake

Slideshow at Free University

corn...and corn

Sharpie

is that yellow sharpie on my finger? i thought it was. i was using a yellow sharpie yesterday at work, and i thought i had been careless when putting the cap back on. turns out it's not a sharpie mark but, an acid burn! and since i didn't realize right away that there was acid eating away at my finger, it blistered up in one area and ate a hole in another. as brad was kindly pouring the deionized water on it, he told me not to worry, that it would dry up and flake off in a day or two...um, what, my finger? this coming from a man who, while holding two viles of water, saw a mosquito on his arm and in a high panicky voice said, "getitoffme! GETITOFFME!"

the nebraska countryside: pretty prickly.

The Stain of Sin

shit. i just spilled coffee on my white shirt and i have another one and a half hours till i can ride my bike home in. the. rain. the high of yesterday is quickly becoming the valley of today's ineptitude.

trick coffee cup

the stain

Losing Your Virginity, or, Ohio: Part I*

this morning, after waking up too late to even attempt going to work. i went shopping and got a few things done around the apartment. namely, checking my e mail (not writing any though), and checking blogs while i composed this entry in my head. apparently, ceri is *chomping at the bit* for me to write about ohio. and even though i had a great time nothing of interest, like watching miss nebraska running a red light, happened.

about ceri. ceri and i have been friends for five(?) years, most of them while she's been living in other places. what really cemented our friendship was our trip to europe together. most likely, the crying jags in greek train stations and yelling at each other along quaintly cobbled streets. it is a trip to the library that really explains how our friendship works, it is where ceri is searching for a book she has been wanting to read. it's not on the shelf so she's looking on the to be shelved cart. i'm idly standing by (i think at this point in my life, my library card had been revoked) when a bright book binding catches my eye. i pick it up. it has a nice cover, and i think i've heard about it on NPR. it looks interesting, i might have ceri check it out for me. and that's when ceri sees the book i have. it's the one she's been looking for, almost frantically. we argue about who gets it. clearly, i've found it, though, being the responsible one with the active library card, she wins.

all background for why i was up for a fourteen hour (one way) trip over the weekend to visit ceri in ohio. in bowling green, ohio with the promises of a vegetarian restraunt, bike trail, and (get ready)the LIBRARY! and that's pretty much what we did. after the friday night miracle of getting back to bowling green from dayton when i got us lost almost instantly after getting into ceri's car, we went to bed at 4:00 a.m. only to get up at 10:30. saturday was spent on a bike ride...on a borrowed bike that was made for a monkey. it got us around and i saw the quarry, where people swim and scuba dive, a small town in ohio, and around and around bowling green. the vegetarian restraunt turned out to be fabulous, with a server who would give me the thumbs-up sign, and the library across the street was beautiful. then came saturday night with byron, the neighbor. ceri thought byron and i would get along well, so she arranged the meeting. he's nice. he's cute. he's very interesting, but i didn't feel the pull of long lost soulmates, so he ended up talking alot with ceri. later, we went out had drinks, DID NOT END UP GOING TO SEE CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, and instead rented videos, hit the grocery store, ending back up at byron's apartment drinking coffee and watching foreign films. nothing noteworthy.

it was after the fourteen hour trip back to nebraska that ceri told me the good stuff. she had been talking with byron and he had asked how i liked ohio. then she asked what he thought of me, and he said i reminded him of the girl he lost his virginity to. wow. how do you take a comment like that? is that a compliment? a slam? what did he think of her...of me? can he separate the two?


ohio can be a pretty wild place.



*and don't think there will be a part II.

pickle

what i wish i'd had for lunch:

what i actually had for lunch:

MISS NEBRASKA; totally naked, baby, totally nude

i was going to write about visiting ceri, but this is way better. on my way to work this morning i rolled up to a red light at the intersection of 12th and N. not thinking much about the car next to me, i causally glance over and realize i am at the same traffic light as the official miss nebraska car. it was a early 2000s white, pontiac grand am with a magnetic sign on the side, stating the car's officiality. the girl driving was obviously miss nebraska, very beautiful in a very generic way. we are waiting for the light to change and she starts rolling forward..and rolled right into the cross-walk...i check the opposite light, it's still green, ours red. and she just keeps going. with out much of a pause she ran the red light before the other had even turned yellow.

i guess if you're miss nebraska, and you have somewhere you MUST be on a monday morning, you can do what you want in The Star City.