Lotion Mouth
I did it again this morning, switched the order of steps getting ready.
Earlier in the week I had to suffer through a day of what I'll call Lotion Mouth. This happens when I put moisturizer on and then brush my teeth. The contamination happens when I cup water to my mouth* with the hand that has the recently applied lotion still lingering. The taste settles in for the day in the back of my throat and no amount of trying seems to banish it. Apples, granola, spicy peanut noodles, Vitamin C drops, are no challenge to what I've come to imagine as the petroleum sludge scraped out of tanker ships. And here I am again, on my day off, thinking about the toxins leaching into my lymph nodes. In this state I should just go out and take a few sips from my gas tank or run my tongue over the oil leak in the engine; death by a sort-of carbon sequestration. Or maybe I'll forget after writing about it and go out moss collecting.**
*Oddly I can only do this with my left hand; the right is useless, holding less and spilling most of the water before I can get it to my mouth.
**It warmed up, rained, and now the snow is gone. I spotted a big patch near the neighbor's sidewalk.
Earlier in the week I had to suffer through a day of what I'll call Lotion Mouth. This happens when I put moisturizer on and then brush my teeth. The contamination happens when I cup water to my mouth* with the hand that has the recently applied lotion still lingering. The taste settles in for the day in the back of my throat and no amount of trying seems to banish it. Apples, granola, spicy peanut noodles, Vitamin C drops, are no challenge to what I've come to imagine as the petroleum sludge scraped out of tanker ships. And here I am again, on my day off, thinking about the toxins leaching into my lymph nodes. In this state I should just go out and take a few sips from my gas tank or run my tongue over the oil leak in the engine; death by a sort-of carbon sequestration. Or maybe I'll forget after writing about it and go out moss collecting.**
*Oddly I can only do this with my left hand; the right is useless, holding less and spilling most of the water before I can get it to my mouth.
**It warmed up, rained, and now the snow is gone. I spotted a big patch near the neighbor's sidewalk.
posted by Ellen at 10:17 AM
9 Comments:
You're such a funny writer, Nelle.
How come you're not using the shea butter? You can eat that stuff.
I do at night and in fact, I love it. I don't think I could've survived this winter without it. That said, it's a little too greasy to start my day with.
hersco
Oh, Ellen, this made me howl with laughter (for which David will vouch).
Your predicament reminds me of my sister's amazement that I can apply my toothpaste from the bottom of the tube with one hand. And why don't you crane your neck under the faucet instead of cupping the water with your hand?
tromties
Thanks Ceri.
Daniel, is the tube full or empty when you do that? I don't crane my neck under the faucet because I think it looks awkward and I think I've always done it the other way.
1) ha! lotion mouth!
2) thanks a lot for that link--going down that particular wormhole [malingering has long been my area of specialization] is going to take a good three hours of "work" time.
3) i tried some of my dad's unrefined coconut oil last weekend as hand lotion and it was lovely.
Thanks for the chuckles...this was too funny. Good luck avoiding a repeat. =)
Both full and empty, and it works when it's mostly empty (I kinda fold it over on itself to get the necessary pressure.) because I've been pushing from the bottom the whole time.
I guess I don't have the fortune of some one watching me brush my teeth in the morning, so I've never cared how silly it looks to crane under.
cytois
I've always been self-conscience.
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