This is the Time of Year My Addictive Personality Should Have Paid Off
I'm supposed to be writing my history paper, but doing it at the last minute has me a little overwhelmed and I can't write while I'm trying to fight that feeling. I've also convinced myself that by having some Adderall around the meds would practically write the paper for me. But after the seven or so hours I had to spend with the psychologists I'm really no closer to having that prescription then when the semester started. To say the least I'm irritated, to say the most I haven't been getting much done. And really, the only reason I got tested for ADD was to get the Adderall so I could finish my schoolwork on time.
Good news is, is that I really do have ADD and that my organizational skills and productivity levels are keenly honed when I'm under extreme pressure to get something done. But until the night before the deadline I don't get much done. This has led me to a lot of sitting at my desk worrying, but not doing. And here's what I have to do in the next two weeks: Taxes, 20 page history paper (on televangelist landscapes), thesis proposal presentation, thesis proposal, studio final project, At. Risk. final project (which scares me into inactivity). By writing this list I realize that it doesn't seem like I have -too- much to do, in fact, it seems pretty manageable, but there's so much worrying I haven't gotten done yet. Worrying that always puts me behind schedule. But really, the studio project and the At. Risk. project are going to be fun to work on. Unfortunately I've realized that I hate writing; so long history paper...so long Ph.D.
Another interesting thing that I've been using as a crutch (surprise! it's linked to my ADD diagnosis) is that even though I scored pretty high on my IQ test, I scored proportionately really low on the short term memory section. Like kind of really low. That is to say you'll have to forgive me for never calling you back, or walking past you like I didn't know you, or if I've been calling you by the wrong name all these months I just can't help it.
Good news is, is that I really do have ADD and that my organizational skills and productivity levels are keenly honed when I'm under extreme pressure to get something done. But until the night before the deadline I don't get much done. This has led me to a lot of sitting at my desk worrying, but not doing. And here's what I have to do in the next two weeks: Taxes, 20 page history paper (on televangelist landscapes), thesis proposal presentation, thesis proposal, studio final project, At. Risk. final project (which scares me into inactivity). By writing this list I realize that it doesn't seem like I have -too- much to do, in fact, it seems pretty manageable, but there's so much worrying I haven't gotten done yet. Worrying that always puts me behind schedule. But really, the studio project and the At. Risk. project are going to be fun to work on. Unfortunately I've realized that I hate writing; so long history paper...so long Ph.D.
Another interesting thing that I've been using as a crutch (surprise! it's linked to my ADD diagnosis) is that even though I scored pretty high on my IQ test, I scored proportionately really low on the short term memory section. Like kind of really low. That is to say you'll have to forgive me for never calling you back, or walking past you like I didn't know you, or if I've been calling you by the wrong name all these months I just can't help it.
posted by Ellen at 7:14 PM
2 Comments:
i seriously thought of getting tested for ADD because i have similar problems you do when it comes to the whole getting things done and lack of organizational skills. but the cost of the test was like 300 bucks. i'm almost done with grad school so i figured i'd gottne this far, i guess i can just suffer a little longer...sorry you didn't get that adderall though, although i've heard that some people hear voices when they take it. hmmm...
I can so identify with the amount of worrying that precedes any measurable productiveness. There's a fine balance between abject terror and the "inspiration" necessary to get anything actually written.
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